Welsh Crone-ology

Yuletide Greetings

Well the usual pre-Christmas stress is affecting all and sundry and it can all seem much more trouble than it’s worth at times! Cakes to be baked, sausage (vegan) rolls to be burned, all manner of things poking out of cupboards demanding to be wrapped. Various children rather too high on excessive confectionery consumption. A steely determination not to be up ’til 3am on Christmas morning sorting it all grips me… I will get through this!

Yes, deep down I appreciate the deep spiritual nature of it all and try to grab moments of peace and reflection. The Seasonal spirit can achieve some wonderful transformations in our behaviour, be it moments, hours or days in length. Even the smallest glimpse of it can lift the spirits…

So to those of you in similar or worse states of tension, for whatever reason, may I wish you all a very happy and peaceful Yuletide/Christmas! May you and yours find something lovely, magical and altogether inspiring to carry you through this winter season.

Another life?

The scene… and two figures sitting… a question, “How long since you were home?”

The answer, “2 months, 3 weeks, 5days and this morning.”

Another scene , a figure, elegant in flowing robes comes into view…

A statement…

“I have felt alone all my life… except with… World of Warcraft!”

Not how you remember it? How about?

“I will see them soon, but not yet, not yet, … my bloody broadband connection is down!”

Yes by day I am a humble home-maker, slightly soggy round the hips, but by night I am a Night-Elf Druid, running athletically through the hills of Azeroth, healing the wounded and demoralising the foes. Except when I have a touch of PMT, in which case I am a completely bitchy warlock, and no- one escapes my curses and life tap!

Yes OK, I maybe a bit of a WOW-aholic… I have tried other realms, other places to dream but I am always pulled back. It is sad. Indeed I suspect that when I reach my dotage, my children won’t be able to identify themselves as x…, x… and x…, but rather as Fangal Goldleaf or Stealhand GreyintheHair, and Perpetua Rotblossom, or some such, in order for me to converse with them. I won’t talk about their careers, but rather how the battle is raging? Have they got all their 75^th tier epic set yet? Heaven help them, and me… You remember that song dear? The green, green grass of Ashenvale?

It would help my case if I were a younger person, but in truth I am more or less geriatric in game playing terms. Not only that but I lack proficiency too. Yep the average WOW gamer already sees me as a senile old granny! All I can do is sigh whilst they ninja that chest I have patiently, slowly been battling towards for half an hour… ah the young uns of today…

I am not unaware of the consequences of my gaming either, huge server farms plough through energy and pump out heat at a phenomenal rate whilst I battle my ogres. It isn’t good, but then all excessive on-line activity isn’t good. So I try to limit it. We all have our trade offs, things we save on, things we don’t, unfortunately… and so I accept my PVP main course has a side order of guilt and remorse.

But whilst the world warms at least I’ll have snow for Christmas, it’s just outside Ironforge… can I interest ye in a pint?

An aside: I wish Terry Pratchet all the best, long may his superior wit reign! His works often fill in my bleak, dark hours and cheers me no end.

So what do you eat?

This is a title from a book I own on vegan cooking, but it is a question that has cropped up a few times in my life. I turned vegetarian at the age of 15, following the lead of my brother. At that time veggie cheese had to be got from a health-food shop (oooh the memories, the strange smells and weird sounding groceries). Yes those were the days. My mum wouldn’t let me turn vegetarian sooner as she was worried the diet wouldn’t be adequate, funny how people’s perceptions change…

These days I am mostly vegan. I say mostly as in truth I am not precious about it like my vegetarianism. This to a true vegan is like a saying “well I am vegetarian that eats fish”, mmm not good! But still I try to stick to it as much as my life will allow. Out here it is sheep country and I am sure more than one local has considered me a weird dangerous animal rights fanatic just because I didn’t eat meat and requested vegetarian dinners for my kids at the local school!

My children have at times requested meat at home. I have tried to cook it. But years of eating cheese and beans means I tend to cook it to the point of charring and I wash my hands more times in half an hour than the average medical practitioner does in a week! Yep I am not good at it, it is far too stressful.

When I had my first two children I was craving so many foods and my iron count so low the doctors persuaded me to try some meat (I didn’t know then the veggie diet is equally as good at providing iron). I remember I tried chicken and corned beef about 2 or 3 times, they gave me a stomach ache, so hard to digest! But I must be the only person in Britain who worries that they might have contracted Mad Cow’s Disease from Argentinian corned beef! As far as I know they’ve not had a case there but I still worry! As you can see it’s probably much better for me to not to eat meat.

After Edwina Curry I am still just as uptight about eggs when it comes to cooking. Part of me deep down still thinks you take your life in your hands when you eat a fried egg sunny side up. It’s amazing how many times eggs are accidentally over-cooked in this house. Ironically the two cases of food poisoning I can recall we’ve had were triggered by hummus! Yes good honest vegan hummus! But that’s chiller cabinets for you, I eye them with deep suspicion now too. Shop-keepers groan when I approach their carefully arranged chilled shelves. Not for me the first item at the front, oh no, nope it’s one layer down, third from the front date checked one… two.. no three times and then into the basket carefully nestled against other really chilled items. And oh boy we better get home to our fridge quickly or I break into a sweat! As you can see I find shopping quite stressful too.

So all in all veganism is the safest diet for me, (excluding the afore mentioned hummus of course). Yep I am happy to eat good well washed, OK very well washed, vegetables. Yes much easier…

But in case you are wondering, I did actually give up meat and milk and eggs for compassionate reasons not neurotic, so I guess there is touch of the animal rights weirdo about me too!

So what do you do?

A question I often see implied in peoples’ glances as they realise I am an At Home Mum with no kids actually at home. “Oooh I can’t cope with being at home all day, how do you fill in the time?”

Suddenly defensive that I might be deemed as sitting on my a***e all day, I instantly go on to say well I am an artist… now this as you can imagine doesn’t usually help. Now I can see “oh that sort!” hovering behind their eyes. At this point a rapid change in conversation usually ensues.

These exchanges often take place at the school gate,(me stood there in wellies and some distinctly rough looking jeans and damp coat, having trudged in along a busy pathless A road) with a pristinely dressed woman, who has emerged from her 4×4. Her earning capacity emphasised by the exotic perfume surrounding her. Not for her the cheap bottle of perfume oil at £2.99 chucked on at the last minute! She is nice, well meaning, but perplexed. I am usually just embarrassed.

So how do I fill in the time? Well to be honest without a microwave, dishwasher and tumble dryer, I am amazed many women find the time to go out to work. I have none of these, this is a deliberate choice. I also do most of the housework and cooking, most of the time (not that I like them much by the way). This is to allow my family to enjoy their free time rather than us all have to shout at one another about how we all are working/studying and all feel pressured (…yes they do do housework occasionally). My being at home allows us the luxury of pets which I walk and generally look after whilst the family is out. Being at home I don’t need the expensive upkeep required for a 9-5 job. I cut my own hair - upside down over the bath - but then it is quite long and no one notices (it gives a layered look in case you were wondering). I wear old worn out clothes a lot so I can keep my good ones for going out. I try to economise on our food and make sure we eat together, no micro snacks pushing up the bills in this house. I can grow veggies in my garden badly, but at least the heart is willing. I try to find ways of generating a little extra cash, over the years this has been ironing, cleaning or painting craft items. Lately things have been a bit harder on that front but I keep looking and trying. And of course when there is time I try to be creative, this hard to do when the world says you should be out earning a living…

My most important function is simply being there when the children come in. Unless you are there when your teenager arrives back from school you may never see that something is bothering them, because it is soon buried with the need to forget and move on… that is until the next morning when they dash angrily out the door. I know I wouldn’t have time for many of my children’s problems if I were concerned about getting my “down time” in.

I know not all parents can be at home, not all would want to be (and the way things are going my days of doing it may well be at an end). Also that there are some wonderful parents who have time for all the care, home-cooking, veg growing and so on whilst holding down jobs.. but I wouldn’t be one of them (know yourself, so they say). And to all those I bow in respect.

So what am I trying to say? Well I guess it is a plea… A plea for people to stop and take a look at the protestant work ethic that we flog ourselves with. A plea to realise life isn’t measured by working status and money. Don’t get me wrong I am vulnerable to both, often! But somehow we have lost the plot - it is OK for those so inclined to be at home holding the fort, a hub of consistency in a fast changing world. It is acceptable to down-shift a little, walk to places not be forced to drive to squeeze the rest of your life in. Save money on the gym by doing more things by hand, it’s more environmental too.

And to the madness of governments, that want a child-minder to look after a child from 3 months of age so it’s parents can work all hours just to keep GDP up, I implore please give the status back to the home-keeper! I think our carbon footprints would drop dramatically overnight and we would be far more content.